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am i missing something? - Hedgecraft Resources

malaikaskyeFeb. 28th, 2009 04:02 pm am i missing something?

Hi Everyone, I've never posted on here before so i'll introduce myself, My name is Malaika (ma-lay-ka), im 20 yrs old, been practicing and learning for 5 years now. I'm a solitary eclectic. Anything else you want to know you can ask, im not good at describing myself.

so i have a few questions for people that no matter where i look i can't seem to find an answer, i apologize if these questions have already been asked.

my first question/query is...actually its more of a statement, i don't know about everyone else, but i dont feel pagan enough, i dont know why this is but i don't feel like im being the best pagan i can be, and for 5 years worth of studying i don't feel like i know as much as i should, i think this is due in large part from not having a guide/line to teach me or follow, and so my learnings have been sporadic. i guess i expected to feel more pagan by now, i know that sounds wrong, but i mean i don't feel like what i expected to feel like. i guess its too hard to explain to people i don't know but im trying,

the second thing i want to ask is if anyone else is having problems doing the practice side of things due to limited time, interruptions etc, and how do you work with this problem?

thanks so much for your time

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Date:February 28th, 2009 11:59 am (UTC)
Hey there.

Some days I feel pretty similar to you. I'm in grad school right now, so I don't have a lot of time to practice, even though I feel like I "should". It's also fairly lonely being the particular type of eclectic that I am (won't go into that here).

I guess what matters is that you get the connection you need. One of the things my partner often says is that being Pagan isn't at all about fitting someone else's abstract idea of what you *should* be. It's not about getting things out of a book, or doing xyz for 20 minutes a day five days a week. Sure you might learn more that way, but we've all got working lives too, and it's a fairly rare person who can successfully bring together their working life and their spiritual one. (I'm attempting that myself a bit, and it's really hard!)

A thought on teachers -- there are good ones and bad ones, and I haven't actually subjected myself to many for any extended period of time. I don't believe they are totally necessary, if you can find the sorts of books that bring you in to the deeper stuff (e.g., more like Starhawk than Llewellyn). I could probably suggest a writer or two if I knew a bit more about your particular leanings, since I've been looking around for good Pagan reads the last couple years.

As for finding the time, I think it's more about putting it into your schedule, deciding it's going to be there no matter what anyone else says, and sticking to that. Sort of like a workout schedule, I guess.